It Tells Me

your pathology - It tells me you don’t love me

It tells me regularly

when It comes to visit, to take over

you don’t tell me

you just go, you can’t resist

in your absence I am starved

managed, tolerated

you are immersed

so It feeds me

just enough to keep me alive

you tell me one thing

It tells contradictions

It doesn’t love me

you say It doesn’t change your love

It shows me how persuasive it is

that it has more power than I do

do you love me?

is that something It does?

love

It loves to play the game

strategic, stimulating, clever

devises the construct

secrets, lies, omissions

fascinated with the chase

searching out the next win, the next fix

the next needle in your vein

the next explosive encounter

euphoria, escape

feeling, fingering, fucking

moving through the supply

orchestrating pieces on the chess board

control. dominance. obedience

love. adoration. attention.

pawns feed Its need

pawns that believe they are Queens

dream women, perfect in Its eyes

seeking out more, rents space Its thoughts

occupy Its time, entertains

It distracts you

It doesn’t need me, she; the Queen

she’s no longer fantasy, not the preference, not the thrill

she doesn’t give It the high, the satisfaction

once It has exhausted, depleted and left you vacant

you return home

she fills the empty hole It leaves

she props you up

she heals, loves, balances

dusts off her King

she gets you ready for Its next visit

so we can do it all again

-S xx