Gotta Start Somewhere

Hello.

Hello is an okay start, right?

I have so many thoughts, ideas, and things I have written about, I thought starting this would be easy. Getting everything set up was fun... choosing layouts, colours, and making a logo and some Social accounts. Still, now that I am typing this, it doesn't feel relatively so easy. I also recently acquired a MacBook Pro, and I am SO terrible at using it... a tough transition from a PC. Eek.

So... here we go.

I am Sloan, this is my blog.

A middle-aged single mom, corporate executive, DIYer, creative, quirky, introverted. I'm not particularly fond of labels, but if I had to choose some, I am a pansexual female, and I am also demi-sexual. I have a bright light - I attract all of the people that need love, attention, and healing, as well as the narcissistic and unsavory types. It's a gift and a curse. My light makes me seem intimidating, mostly because it casts shadows. Shadows that reveal other people's insecurities and issues - people either love me or hate me. #NotEveryonesCupOfTea. So when someone is in their own shadow, they think it's me, when really - it's them. I struggle with that. I hear so many people say terrible things about me. And while I am not responsible for how others react or respond to me, it still hurts and it wears on me.

I have a boyfriend/ partner/ significant other (do we say boyfriend out loud at my age?! I'm not sure, to be honest, but this is how I think of him). We have been together for almost 5 years. I love him more than I ever knew possible. I've had a strange relationship with love; it has been unknown throughout my life. Finding this love that I have for him and with him is the most incredible, overwhelming, powerful, and humbling experience I've had with someone. I love the best parts of him (as one does) but have learned that I also love the worst parts of him - because they are him and you can't pick and choose which pieces you love or even how you love someone, you just do. We've had some lows. Lately, things have been difficult. We are working through so much hurt, lots of lies, pain - such a rollercoaster. Part of trying to heal and get back on track is starting this blog - sharing my story old stories and sharing new ones - the ones I want to make now and moving forward.

I want to be adventurous, do things outside of my comfort zone, fulfill fantasies and have fun without regret.

I have decided to be the girl that just goes for it. I have a lot to share. Some it of it fun and crazy. Some it is sad and dark. I am going for it by sharing. Being vulnerable, saying things out loud.

Saying that is easy - just go for it - actually doing it is something completely different. So far, it has been a challenge. In the past week, I've had one not so great experience and another that was better. I will write about the experiences soon.

As you read and create your thoughts and opinions on what I am doing and the words I choose to use, and what I share, please don't tell me I should refer to myself as a woman. I know I am a woman, I am female, I am an adult. I choose to say girl because I am growing - doing things I did not do as a girl. Learning how to use my voice, have power over my body, and make decisions I was never allowed to make while growing up.

You do you - I will do me.

talk soon

- s xx